"For Robby and Jesse."
She calmed a little. "Yes."
"You died in the garden. It was a hemorrhage. The baby -- " Mark swallowed hard, and held her closer. "The baby had to be cut out, darling. It was the only way to save him."
"Mark, it hurts."
"You were bleeding to death. There was no way to save you, no time. I asked you if you wanted me to save the baby. You said yes." He clung to her, starting to cry. "It was like cutting out my own heart, darling. It was like cutting out my own heart. But you had already lost too much blood. It was the hardest thing I ever did in my life. I know -- I know it hurt."
The memories in McCoy's mind were so raw Helen could see them, see him cutting the baby out of his wife, see her weeping with the pain, see him weeping, holding the bloody baby and his dying wife. She remembered Robby that day, running into her father's office. They had found them both that way, McCoy clinging to the cooling body, the baby wailing on the ground next to him. She had not known Elayne was alive and conscious during the Caesarian. Now she understood what bound Elayne to the living.
"Dr. McCoy, there was nothing else you could do."
"I killed her!"
"She was dying. You saved the baby."
"I could have waited until she was dead."
Stilling the Dead
A Helen Highwater Story
He stroked her face. "Elayne, darling. It hurts because you are dead."
She frowned. "I can't be dead."
McCoy closed his eyes. "You are dead, my darling. Why else would I mourn you?"
"No, I'm not. It's time for Jesse's feeding."
"Jesse?"
"Well, yes. That's what we decided, remember?"
"No. Do you remember?"
She paused. "No."
"Elayne, look around. You are in a cemetery. You are dead. We buried you a month ago. The baby is fine, but you are killing him."
Elayne's face twisted, and Helen stood as a cold wind started blowing through the cemetery, blowing trees, blowing spirits. It cut straight through her coat, to her very bones. "I'm not dead. I have to take care of Jesse!"
She twisted in McCoy's arms, but he would not let her go. "No! Elayne, listen to me. You are dead."
"How can you say that?"
"Elayne. Do you remember the garden?'
"Yes. No. I don't want to."
